Where did that come from?

After I finished stoking the fire in the family room - I was right in the middle of cooking dinner - I turned and found Nate standing in front of me.  He held up his hand as though pleading with the gods to say something profound. No words came. On his middle finger there was a dollop of something black. I knew what it was but had to ask. "Where did that come from? Your butt?"

"Yes." He said as a matter of fact with a hint of glee.

"Great. Ok. Go to the potty. Don't touch anything."

Simultaneously, the steak in the frying pan threatened to burn, pasta water boiled and the oven started beeping at me. "Careful. No touch. That's yucky. Let me clean that. Just stand there. Ok, pants down. On the toilet. There you go. Go potty."

"No go potty, Daddy."

"To bad. Sit there. Try."

"Daddy!"

"Wait. I gotta turn off the stove. Hold on."

"No potty!"

"Try." I said and rushed out to quell the riot in the kitchen.

"All done Daddy." He yelled from the bathroom."Daddy? DAAADDDYYYY! ALL DONE!"

"Okay, okay. I'm back. Let's see."

"All done daddy."

"Nope. Nothing in the potty Nate." I said as I lifted him off the toilet and looked for the evidence. "Oh, yuck." I said as I noticed he had poop hanging like nasty black frosting out of his bottom and half way up his back. "That's gross dude."

"I poop Dad."

"Yeah, I see." Bend over. Hands on the ground. That's it. Butt up like a turtle."

"Ok daddy."

"Hold still. Let me get a wipe."

"All clean Daddy."

"No. Not yet. Phew."

"All clean Daddy."

"No. Hold on. Stay down. Butt up. Couple more wipes."

"All clean daddy."

"Yeah, ok. One more. There you go."

"Cars? Cars? Cars?"

"Yes. Cars." I helped him into his pull-ups which have characters from the movie Cars on it.

"Yay! Cars!" He screamed.

"We're gonna try to use the potty before pooping in your pants. Right?"

"Ok Daddy." He said with the sweetest lying sincerity of a seasoned politician. I smirked doubtful of his intent. Pleased with placating me and having a clean diaper he monkey walked away with a teetter-totter joy, leaving me to clean the toilet seat.